In 2007, the U.S. Department of Defense spent $439.3 billion to fund the war in
1. Electro-Shock Surveillance Eyes: The technology in these fiber optic laser eyes are designed to spot a target from anywhere on the planet. They are also equipped with electro shock beams that shoot lightening bolts at your victims.
2. Satellite Dish Helmet: This helmet offers the best in Wi-Fi wireless satellite internet technology. With this, the controller of the U.K.R.M. can listen to satellite radio, update blogs, and check emails; all while destroying a small Middle Eastern country.
3. Ultra Bear Killing Jaws: These jaws are like bear traps but bigger! And deadlier!!! They are powerful enough to cut a very large fat man in half.
4. Nuclear Resistant Armor: Not only can this armor withstand a nuclear blast, it also looks baaaaad ass.
5. Full Frontal Cock-pit: Whoever sits in this cockpit will have front row tickets to Armageddon. The cockpit is also equipped with reclining leather seats and a built in popcorn machine.
6. Spiked Tool Belt of Death: This belt is so awesome it will make your head explode! This may be due to the fact that it holds two active nuclear warheads. Weeeeeee!!!
7. Chainsaw Arm: Bruce Campbell has nothing on the U.K.R.M. This robot can log a rainforest faster than you can trim your bush. It can kill your family too.
8. Napalm Shooting Flamethrower Arm: Burn it down and walk away. Let the fire warm your back.
9. Hummer Shoes: At 14 MPG, it makes sense why we’re at war. You give us your oil; we’ll destroy your ozone. That sounds fair, right? Each of our Hummer Shoes are rollin’ on 40 inch rims encrusted with diamonds. They got spinners too. Bling, blingin’ as we colonize your country.
The Ultimate Killing Robot Machine (U.K.R.M.) is trademarked and copyright 2008 by Alex Chiu. The end is near.